Kit turned the word over like a coin in his mind, inspecting it from every angle. He spun it around so that it danced, all the while reflecting its different sides: heads, tails, and then heads again, but no matter the direction it revolved, the meaning remained the same. And so did the truth behind it.
He felt worthless. No...he was worthless.
The foolish dream he'd had one year ago of controlling Eddan's underworld had been even less real than the hallucinations prompted by their stay at the Habitat. The countless people he'd left behind, the number of families he'd cycled through and disappointed, the inhumane acts he'd turned a blind eye to simply because someone had stepped out of line and needed to be punished...
No amount of tutoring kids, planting trees and tending flowers, or maintaining a perfect GPA could make up for that. He could masquerade all he wanted as a fine and upstanding young man, but the truth would always be there beneath the surface, like some dumping ground or cesspool resting under the glassy top of a lake. The smallest ripple would disrupt all the murk below and reveal the true nature of the body of water: not a lake at all, but a diseased swamp.
Why did he even bother to keep trying? Was he really so lonely? Or was the risk of dragging others down with him actually worth it somewhere in his withering subconscious?]
You shouldn't show me those lyrics, then. Unless they really aren't personal at all.
[Turning the subject back to music. Something safer, if only by a little bit, and that safety allowed him to look once more back in Vincent's direction. His smile wasn't effortless as he did so, but it didn't appear strained, either.
As a matter of fact...it didn't appear like very much at all, excepting the kind of smile mirrored reflections wore, practiced and insincere, more to convince yourself than onlookers.
no subject
Kit turned the word over like a coin in his mind, inspecting it from every angle. He spun it around so that it danced, all the while reflecting its different sides: heads, tails, and then heads again, but no matter the direction it revolved, the meaning remained the same. And so did the truth behind it.
He felt worthless. No...he was worthless.
The foolish dream he'd had one year ago of controlling Eddan's underworld had been even less real than the hallucinations prompted by their stay at the Habitat. The countless people he'd left behind, the number of families he'd cycled through and disappointed, the inhumane acts he'd turned a blind eye to simply because someone had stepped out of line and needed to be punished...
No amount of tutoring kids, planting trees and tending flowers, or maintaining a perfect GPA could make up for that. He could masquerade all he wanted as a fine and upstanding young man, but the truth would always be there beneath the surface, like some dumping ground or cesspool resting under the glassy top of a lake. The smallest ripple would disrupt all the murk below and reveal the true nature of the body of water: not a lake at all, but a diseased swamp.
Why did he even bother to keep trying? Was he really so lonely? Or was the risk of dragging others down with him actually worth it somewhere in his withering subconscious?]
You shouldn't show me those lyrics, then. Unless they really aren't personal at all.
[Turning the subject back to music. Something safer, if only by a little bit, and that safety allowed him to look once more back in Vincent's direction. His smile wasn't effortless as he did so, but it didn't appear strained, either.
As a matter of fact...it didn't appear like very much at all, excepting the kind of smile mirrored reflections wore, practiced and insincere, more to convince yourself than onlookers.
He was tired. That was all. Just...tired.]